Strong visions of Mauna Kea came to me several times while I was on the mainland these past four months. I knew when I was back on the island I needed to make a spiritual pilgrimage to the mountain and pay homage to Poli’ahu, the Snow Goddess who lives there.

I’ve always wanted to hike to Lake Waiau, the most sacred spot on the mountain and probably on all of the island, and this past weekend I did.

The lake was smaller than I imagined. (I was told it’s disrespectful to the Hawaiian people to post images, so I won’t). But size has nothing to do with potency.

As soon as I sat down next to the lake, I became hypnotized by the ripples and the unusual stillness in the middle. I could feel a shifting of energy inside me.

I immediately burst into a cry.

But not just any old cry. I started to wail.

I could feel energy and emotions releasing from inside of me, and it was a profound release of VERY old shame.

I was purging a frightful and regretful little Keri who had been a “bad girl” and therefore decided she was undeserving of anything good.

Poli’ahu and Lake Waiau reached into this deep old wound and ripped it out.

At the lake, my wailing turned into laughter and then to a calm and peace as still as the middle of the lake appeared.

To my right I sensed a group of Native Hawaiians gathered together to conduct a ceremony. I could almost see them in the flesh although no one was there in the 3rd dimension but me.

As I was leaving the lake, I felt many more Hawaiian people gathered along the perimeters of the valley where the lake sits.

It was beautiful and also a little scary. I did my best to convey no disrespect, and that I was simply there for my own healing.

It seemed to be understood.

I woke up the next morning and felt changed.

As the asteroid Chiron - known as the “Wounded Healer” - shifted its’ Retrograde from Aries back home into Pices last week, I am clear this little girl who felt like she didn’t deserve good things is a big piece of my own personal healing. It is my expression of the Wounded Healer.

I give great thanks to Poli’ahu the Snow Goddess of Mauna Kea. I know her even more deeply now as the Goddess of Compassion. She helped me forgive myself and release my shame. She showed me a deep layer of unconscious self-hatred and then created a space for me let it go.