Connect with Who You Truly Are with Keri Sender
I live between the Mountain and the Sea,My body is tough
and tender at the same time.
Every now and again I lose myself
in radio waves and computer screens,
but when my Bare Feet hit the Earth
a rush comes to my root
and when my head connects
to the Heavens above
I remember my
True Divine Nature...
I remember who I am again.
Who are you in transition periods?
In the space between
the old story and the new one...
And how do you function within the pause?
Are you fearful of your future,
Or do you have Faith?
Can you feel yourself surrounded by the Grace of Spirit,
Unraveling your ties to the Past...
Anchored by Trust,
Directed by the flutter of your own juicy red beating heart.
Iceland, you make me drop in so deep.
Faces of tourists show a whole world of insides, of perceptions of the world.
And at the same time...
Oneness.
The Holy Grail of Reality.
An icy brother of Hawai'i nei
for sure.
An Experience of Transitions.
And as I ingest the beauty,
the energy,
I can finally feel
the depth inside of me.
When I close my eyes,
I feel awareness expanded.
I see some flecks of light,
energy moving,
bursts of red and orange.
I feel the same awareness
When I look inside of my body.
a tight hamstring,
Electric energy spewing from toes,
an open heart.
When I open my eyes,
I feel no "I".
I have eyes as slits,
That rip from nothing
Into Everything.
Gates into a single perspective,
The projector of one movie,
That IS all there Is.
I went up to the Mountain,
to connect with Great Spirit.
Humbled and awestruck by the
Powerful Hawaiian energies
that unlock my third eye
And feed mana into the sky
where I shower in the Milky Way,
and far out-galaxies and
countless shining stars.
I am grateful for the message I received
up on Mauna Kea:
A reminder that all of life is projected out of Ajna,
my third eye...
That there is no difference between me
and that Milky Way,
That I am as Divine as those far-out galaxies,
That I am the same as each and every star.
Last night I went to the Caldera,
With moonbows dumping into Pele's pot of Gold,
the Milky Way hovering close,
and the brightest Mama Luna illuminating the early morning Sky.
With my boots scraping the dusty earth,
I danced a wave.
I flowed around the cliff side
And danced a silent thank you to Madame Pele.
I danced a silent thank you to the upcoming Spring,
To the balance of light and dark,
And to celebrate the light beginning it's turn to prevail.
I surrendered my body to move with the cool windy gusts that mixed with Spirit.
And after my movements led me to Stillness,
I took that Flow and tucked it into my pocket.
And showered in the Volcano Goddess.
I let the warm glow of lava,
Fill my heart and Soul.
I'm taking advantage of this Mercury Retrograde,
and pulling my awareness deeper inside.
Down through all the dusty, dark layers.
Discovering the parts of me that still think I'm separate from everything and everyone...
The parts of me that are so insecure
that I don't post on social media for fear that I won't be as "liked" as I want to.
Untangling myself from a lifetime of being told that I need to look good in front of others,
And care about what they think.
That I have to do it that or this way.
Digging into the deep ditches of myself
that STILL doesn't fully trust others.
Contemplating what it means for me to Live my Passion at THIS moment in time.
Tapping into that well inside of myself that will keep on keeping on,
That knows that my process is wonderful and beautiful and unfolding
just. as. it. should. BE.
And I will RISE
again and again
like a Phoenix,
Until I'm fully born into the version of me
That's who I TRULY am.
2 months.
9 cities.
North India.
South India.
3 meditation & yoga courses.
Multiple kriyas.
Lots of karma.
A bunch of temples.
More than half a dozen bouts of a sick stomach from something I ate.
Several moments of impatience and frustrations.
Countless smiles.
Many moments of joy.
Ridiculously amazing food,
Beautiful snowy mountain tops.
Airplanes, trains, buses,
taxis, rickshaws, bicycles
and motorcycles.
Deep connections...
How did I managed to get so attached to you, India?
The calm chaotic hustle of your big cities,
The feeling of mushy rice in between my fingers as I eat on the floors of your ashrams
with deep gratitude and joy.
The unexpected friendships,
Early morning pujas,
Pre-dinner chanting,
And after dinner strolls
to converse with the statue of Shiva,
Reminding me of the Illusion
And my Goddess within.
I'm sad to leave you India,
But I will be back
For more opening of my mind and body,
For more levels of learning,
energy,
And awareness.
Until then...
Thank you
and Namaste. 🙏
Layers of India are peeling off,
And I see deeper into "the game".
Street kids who read minds,
And holy hot springs too scalding to enter.
In the cold nights of the Himalayas,
I dream about past lovers,
And I create my future.
A one way ticket to my destiny.
Fellow tourists commiserating about the cauldron of emotions that bubble on the buses and trains.
Sad to leave but ready to go.
Unexplained tears roll down my cheeks.
How exhilarating it is
on the dirty, dusty
16-hour local bus to the next City.
When Infinite possibilities lie ahead.
alone again,
to be reborn,
To be FREE.
If only we could remember
this is Truth in every moment...
There's something that happens
around hour 11 of the 16 hour bus ride,
After the teenage boy vomited several times,
And many have been standing the entire ride,
And a flat tire at midnight that took 1 hour and a dozen Indians to fix...
The I's on this overcrowded bus melt
Into one collective.
We are ONE energy.
now I can feel everyone's eyelids heavy from lack of sleep,
Not just my own.
We bounce from the bumps on the road in unison.
Over the potholes together now,
I am no longer a tourist.
I am part of this lovely Indian heartbeat
on the trail from Manali to Amristar.
This strong heart that still smiles and laughs
On hour 11 of this 16 hour journey.
And I realize that I am amongst Buddhas.
A prelude to Amritsar,
Golden Temple of Oneness.
Tears trickle down my face again
This time from sheer beauty.
A prayer or two matches each thali plate
filled with love
and cleaned from Seva,
pure service.
My heart is open
From the utter magnificence,
the uncanny resonance,
And the sweet Parshan
That I share
With everyONE.
Thank you Mother India,
for reminding me in the most unexpected of moments.
At 1am on the winding road
from Manali to amritsar.
And for leading me to this holy Temple
made of love and gold.
India has mesmerized me.
At first with her smells.
Wafts of sweet rose
and fresh dirt.
Homemade meals packed with spices,
Burning incense and charcoal fires.
She has showed me her wealth,
As I found myself being waiting on by servants and traveling with drivers.
And in true form,
she also showed me more garbage and dirty pigs,
more rusty, broken pipes than anyone should see, let alone live with.
...But then somehow even the dirty and smelly and broken in India becomes beautiful,
Simply because it is part of her too.
The land of opposites and extremes indeed...
There are people, cars, cows, tik-tiks and buses EVERYWHERE.
All of my dancing in the rhythm of Chaos has made it surprisingly easy surrender to the mayhem of the roads,
Trusting that the lane my auto rickshaw driver created for himself,
In between the garbage truck who is driving on the road's shoulder and the cow looking for grass to chew in the middle of the street,
will get us safely to our destination.
I am constantly in awe of India.
In awe of the Sikhs who pause to pray together on the train after dusk while a man passes their berth offering homemade chai.
Of perfectly folded saris made with the most beautiful and boldest of colors:
Bright blues and purples, blood oranges and reds worn with pride,
Amidst the mud and the monkey shit.
Of adorable little Indian girls who recite to me the story of Rama and Sita,
And tell me how they learned in school that the most important value is cleaning up after yourself:
To throw away your garbage.
And on the inside,
I've had tons of moments already in India where I'm sure I've know that person,
or witnessed that scene before, or already had that conversation.
Déjà u moments.
I make them mean I am still going strong on my path.
(But then again, can we ever REALLY be off of our paths?)
Life is a dance,
and we are the dancers.
I feel that India is taking me for a glorious and wonderful whirl.
She is showing me that every time I follow my heart, the Universe (God, whatever word you want to use) provides. Always.
When I let go of all the thinking and journey from my mind into the depths of my heart, I am always provided for.
A mysterious game that I am collecting all the pieces of the puzzles for,
Following the bread crumbs of my existence.
I am being led by God
(when I let God lead me).
Life unfolds like a perfect dirty rose,
And I am shown the divine order in the midst of the chaos.
When I move through the shock and discomfort of a brand new moment,
I feel more alive than ever before.
I feel alive without ego.
Without pretense.
I am so small and insignificant in a massive world whose magic I won't ever understand
and will never cease to enjoy.
In almost every free moment I find myself acknowledging India,
Saying her name to myself like a new lover whom I can't help but adore
I get thrilled, humbled and grateful for the opportunity to be here.
For the opportunity to grow here in all the ways Im not even present to yet.
Thank you, New York.
Thank you for raising me into adulthood.
Thank you for beating down my self-confidence.
Thank you for working me to the bone.
Thank you for all the heartbreak,
The heartache.
Thank you for all the meaningless sex in my twenties.
Thank you for showing me what it means to hustle.
Thank you for all the teachers,
and all the modalities,
that got me to get how little I loved myself.
And how lost I was from own body.
Thank you for showing me that I can choose different ways of being,
Thank you you for teaching me that I'm the only one who gets to make the meaning in my life.
For bringing my lack of self-compassion into my awareness.
Thank you for taking advantage of my unconsciousness.
And THANK YOU, New York,
for WAKING ME UP.
Thank you for all the friendships,
That came and went.
And thank you for the friendships I'll leave with.
Thank you for all the times I listened to others,
instead of listening to my own heart.
Thank you New York for holding the space for me to find my heart and listen to it.
Thank you for all of the times I fell in love.
Thank you for all the late night dances in my kitchen in Park Slope.
Thank you for showing me how I was being attached.
Thank you New York,
For showing me that all of life is a dance.
Thank you for all of the wonderful, deep, rageful dances,
Thank you for all the re-enactments.
And thank you New York for the dances that rocked my world,
That showed me I could experience more joy in one moment than I ever thought possible.
Thank you New York for making it impossible for me to find a new home here after I left you the first time.
Thank you for all the grief,
For all the loss.
Thank you New York, for helping me find the Receiver in Sender-Receiver.
Thank you for raising me into adulthood New York.
Thank you for your smelly summer subway cars.
Thank you for post-dance bliss in the park.
Thank you for introducing me to all the men who treated me as crappy as I treated myself.
And thank you for teaching me what love really is.
Thank you for teaching me about trauma.
Thank you for teaching me about myself.
Thank you New York for thirteen amazing years in your concrete jungle.
Thank you for reminding me that I can get out of my head,
And into the energy.
Thank you for showing me
that I am an (un-wounded) healer,
A spiritual warrior.
A transformation facilitator.
Thank you for reminding me that I am dancer.
Thank you for making me into a yogi.
Thank you New York,
For raising each and every one of my family members.
Thank you for being my refuge when I was young.
Thank you for wowing me with your Statue of Liberty on car-rides across the bridge to my grandmother's house when I was a little girl.
Thank you for waiting for me to run into your arms after college.
Thank you, New York, for allowing me to love you,
and to hate you.
Thank you for helping me lose my connection to myself.
Thank you for the ceaseless way your heartbeat pulses throughout the streets
at any and all times of day and night.
Thank you for all the fantastic pizza.
For late nights at the pubs down by City Hall.
For sleepless elections days,
For so many breakthroughs with clients.
Thank you New York for after-dinner strolls to Uncle-LouieG's to eat Chocolate Jelly Ring Italian Ices.
Thank you for all the tears shared and howls of laughter.
For multiple variations of fake chicken around Washington Square Park.
Thank you New York,
for being you.
Thank you for being so staccato, New York.
Thank you, New York.
Thank you.
Well, I did it.
Today my Tourist Visa was approved,
And I bought a ticket to India.
I started to cry a little when I saw that my Visa was approved.
I can't explain it other than to say that it feels like I've waited my entire life so far to go on this journey.
To make this Spiritual Mecca.
To follow my dharma,
as we Vipassana meditators say.
I'm leaving the end of September,
not sure how long I'll be there.
Until India is done showing me what it needs to,
Or Pele Ma calls so strongly that it's time to go back home to Hawaii.
Either way, today I booked a one way ticket to my destiny.
I'm so fucking humbled and grateful for LIFE and all the opportunities and possibilities that rumble inside of it.
For all the opportunities to grow,
To stretch outside of my comfort zone,
To dive into the unknown,
To jump feet first into the next chapter.
To BE this FREE.
Sat Nam. ✨💫✨💫
A new chapter ends and another one begins.
No Cliff's Notes for this new story.
Just surrender. And Trust.
And surrender.
And Trust.
How can we find the Joy,
As we dive head first into some black abyss,
With the promise of letting go
that which does not serve?
Take me to the TRUEST version of myself,
Without Fear,
And with Faith.
Take my questions and allow me to dance wildly among them,
Caressing these question marks like lovers.
Allow me to laugh in the face of their somber stare,
And twirl their curves and curls around my fingers.
Remembering that I'm caught in a map that leads to no-where.
And that Love is the only fabric that weaves these strands of reality together.
Sat Nam. 🙏
Today I spent almost six hours straight in a dance to Let-Go.
I danced Chaos.
The space where the feminine and the masculine collide
to Dis-Organize.
Or Re-Organize.
Chaos.
Where the Divine flow meets action.
Where circles meet angles.
Where the feet and hips force the head to release.
Chaos: Where I move faster than I can think.
Where I stop doing the Dance,
And start Being the Dance.
Where I allow the dance to move me.
Where im still left with my dreams,
but there is no more clear means to an end.
Every piece of me shattered,
Not in or out,
But Through.
Letting go of that which does not serve me.
I am so stoked by LIFE!
It's like all the pieces of the puzzle are coming together,
Yet I have no idea what everything will look like yet.
It's the yummiest mystery...
In every moment.
I realized this week how I've been so mistrusting of others,
And how that mistrust is just a projection.
I've been reminded of how to let all of that go and just...TRUST.
Surrendering to the Divine Flow.
Trusting myself,
And opening my heart.
Exploring and deepening all those sacred connections that I have with others,
and honoring
each and every one of them,
without trying to manipulate them
into what I want them to be,
or how I want them to look,
or define them,
or put them into any kind of box
or neatly wrapped package.
Exploring the sacred connection I have with the Great Spirit,
And the connection that my connections have to the Great Spirit.
Honoring every part of myself,
Even the parts I don't like.
And most of all, having FUN like I've never had before...
I am an ever changing Being,
And when I stop the mind chatter
And just observe,
I am bewildered and amazed by my own capacity to be a human chameleon,
A roller coaster ride of energy,
A buffet of different states of being,
A bouquet of different moods,
a cacophony of awarenesses.
A mixture of light and dark,
Like swirling soft serve chocolate and vanilla ice cream.
And seriously,
how can there EVER be anything wrong with chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream? 🍦🍦❤🍦🍦
